"Welcome to Hell."

Reviewer

Jonny Cage

Year

2007

Director(s)

Timo Rose

Writer(s)

Timo Rose Ted Geoghegan

Actors

Raine Brown Joe Zaso André Reissig Manoush Thomas Kercmar Timo Rose Andreas Pape Sebastian Gutsche Tanja Karius Ellen Tanumihardja Dirk Glücks

Runtime

1h 30m

Categories

Cannibal Slasher

Synopsis
A cannibalistic family has been terrorizing the Black Forest of Germany for many, many years. Picking off random campers, tourists, sightseers, and swimmers alike, they have managed to cultivate a rumor that can only be described as legend. But when Michael, David, and Nina, Michael’s friend from the States, decide to go camping…it’s a whole different story! Attacked during the daytime, Michael is taken back to the family’s cabin and prepped for “processing”. Nina shows up and frees him, but not before being seen by the grotesque-looking cannibals. A final showdown occurs ranging from inside the cabin to way out in the woods with an ending that will leave you speechless!

Review
After many months of trying to find this movie, and many failed attempts, I have finally acquired the actual film without the director’s commentary over the audio (yeah, I was surprised too). I had almost given up trying to find this movie but my sources had told me wonderful things about it; so I pressed on. Eventually finding it at HorrorFlix, I was ecstatic beyond mortal comprehension (see, there’s a good reason my wife hates this stuff). Upon finally viewing the movie, these are my thoughts…

The story was not as horrible as I had originally thought. From what I was told by some inside sources that can not be corroborated in any way shape or form (so don’t ask), this movie was supposed to have spent their entire budget on blood and effects; leaving the story and script on a meathook (yes, that’s a reference to another movie). But from what I saw, the story wasn’t that bad; kind of a mix between Wrong Turn (2003) and The Hills Have Eyes (2006). The story is basically what was said in the synopsis; obviously with a bit more girth.

The acting was probably the one thing that hurt this movie the most (apart from the script…which I have plans to hurt). I have seen Zaso in other films and do not particularly care for his campy acting style. I mean, Bruce Campbell is campy, but he is funny too; and he can play a great serious character. That kind of versatility is mandatory in a movie like this. And on top of that, Zaso is quite the well-built statuesque and got his ass beat throughout the last half of the movie! Brown had to come in and put the smackdown on those cannies (I am coining this word!) while Zaso just stood there looking dumb. I think that the allegations of this movie worrying only about gore are starting to be quite true.

The script was…God-awful. None of the characters had any depth, the lines were easier than Paris Hilton, and the conversations were elementary. I have not seen such a horrible script in a very long time…probably since Flesh for the Beast (2003) (of which I’m still sorry about Ty). I do not mean to offend the director or the writes or anyone, but please take this as far up your hole as you can…this script was shit! Even the dubbing was off!

Now it’s time for the major part of the movie and, obviously, my favorite. The gore! Yippee! First I would like to say that I have never seen such caliber and attention to detail than the FX team, and of Rose himself, on this movie. This is by far the bloodiest, goriest, most disgusting and gut-wrenching movie ever made. If I could be so bold to say, this may beat out Faces of Death (of which will not be appearing anywhere on this site…sorry). That is a remarkable statement, I know, but you will never understand until you see the movie itself. It’s almost like Hell itself opened up and let loose an onslaught of the most horrifying atrocities the world has ever seen. Better than Hellraiser (1987), better than Saw (2003); this movie should be accounted as the bloodiest, and goriest movie of the century!

Wrap It Up
Taking into account the lame acting and the equally as atrocious script, this film would have received a very poor rating. But, seeing as how the story was actually pretty solid, and the FX (blood, gore, etc.) were so far beyond spectacular that it almost defies description, I have to weigh it out. So…being fair…17. It hurts me to do that to a movie I loved so much, but I remain objective. If you haven’t seen this movie and you’re a big fan of gory movies…find this one. Contact me if you are having trouble finding it and I can help you, I don’t mind. So...with a similar storyline to The Hills Have Eyes (2006), I would say that if you liked that movie but wanted more gore and didn’t care about the acting…than this is the movie for you!

17/25