A-Movie: /ay moovee/ n. 1. Any movie with a multi-million dollar budget. 2. Most any movie shown in theaters. 3. Usually containing well-known actors and directors. a.k.a. A-rate movie.

A-Rate: /ay rayt/ adj. See A-Movie.

Artard: /aartárd/ adj. 1. Any person who occasionally acts in a handicapped manor without actually being retarded. 2. “Because you don’t call retarded people retards…that’s just not right. You call your friends retards…when they’re acting retarded.” Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office

B-Movie: /bee moovee/ n. 1. Any movie with a less than average budget. 2. Any "straight-to-video" film. 3. Usually containing less-than-well-known actors and directors; with the occasional cameo appearance. a.k.a. B-rate movie.

B-Rate: /bee rayt/ adj. See B-Movie.

The "Back to the Future" Rule: n. 1. Rule about time travel set down by the hit 1985 fantasy/adventure film directed by Robert Zemeckis. 2. This rule states that time is more of a fluctuation than a constant. 3. The future can be altered by changes in the past.

Bit Part: /bit paart/ adj. 1. An actor's role in a movie that is neither obviously significant nor carries much script weight. 2. Sometimes is considered a cameo.

Bob Barker Rules: n. 1. Rules about gambling set down by Bob Barker in the hit game show “The Price Is Right”. 2. These rules state that in the event that two or more persons are betting on something where all participants are required to guess a number; if one or more persons guess a number that is higher than the actual number, those people are losers.

Booyah: /boo'yah/ exl. In your face.

B-Qeul: /beekw'l/ adj. Any sequel that is produced on a B-rate budget and goes direct to DVD.

C-Movie: /see moovee/ n. 1. Any movie that is created solely with the budget of the director and their friends. 2. Any movie that is difficult to find; even in a video store. 3. Actors are usually friends or family of the director; no well-known actors present. a.k.a. C-rate movie.

C-Rate: /see rayt/ adj. See C-Movie.

Cameo: /kámee-o/ v. 1. The appearance of a famous actor in a movie in which they have not been cast. 2. The cameo character usually plays a bit part. 3. Character added mostly for good measure or the repayment of a past debt to the director.

Cannibal: /kánib'l/ adj. 1. Any person who eats the flesh of another person for sustenance. 2. Most forms of mountain-men. 3. See Cannies.

Cappers: /cap-perz/ adj. 1. Any movie that is released almost immediately following a big-budget, A-list film to capitalize on its success at the box office. 2. Ninety-nine percent of all cappers are B-rate films.

Cannies: /kan-ee-s/ n. adj. 1. Any form of cannibalistic person and/or creature. 2. Any form of cannibalistic tendency, including thought. See Cannibal.

Celebritard: /sélibritaárd/ adj. 1. Any celebrity that takes them selves too seriously without noticing that they are undeserving of the attention paparazzi and press give them. 2. Someone who is remotely famous but always does something to show they have no sense of humor. 3. A celebrity who feels they are far more famous than they really are.

Chubbly: /chúblee/ adj. Chubby and ugly…'nough said.

Chunkies: /chúngkee-s/ n. 1. The part of gore that encompasses pieces of flesh and/or other bodily paraphernalia. 2. Any form of projectile human body matter.

The Conscious Zombie Model: n. 1. Not based off of any particular adaptation. 2. Characterized by a normally functioning human being, except that the only way to feed their hunger is to eat human flesh instead of normal food. 3. The infected person is conscious of their condition and may actually try to fight it. 4. Infection Time: Hours…maybe days. 5. How to Kill: Destroy brain. Head shot only, decapitation only kills the body…not the brain.

Crotch Post: /kroch post/ n. 1. A device that a woman needing sex all the time should have so they can take care of business themselves (not a vibrator). 2. This is a fictional, metaphorical post. Some of you are really stupid.

Dead Ender: /ded-end'r/ n. 1. A movie that, by all intent, should have a sequel, but ends in such a way that a sequel would be useless. 2. The opposite of The Sequel Conundrum.

Degenerate: /dijéneret/ adj. A person without morals or the capacity to care about others.

Droobs: /drūbs/ n. 1. Any pair of sagging boobs; usually C-cup or larger. 2. Droobs are separated into five separate classifications and specifically categorized:

1. Bombers: These are the best of the best! These boobs are the ones you see on chicks that you just can’t help but stare at. Not because they are huge, or gross, but because of their sheer awesomeness. Unfortunately, these boobs also have the ability to destroy civilization. Sizes: C and up.
2. Slappers: Categorized as any toob that can be lifted and dropped back into place with a “slapping” sound. Types of Slappers:
   1. The Stress Reliever: This droob is characterized by having the same consistency of one of those plasma-like, stress-relieving, hand-exercising orbs. Sizes: C and up.
   2. The Water Balloon: Characterized by having a water balloon-type consistency including the way the breast hangs and its natural fluidity. Sizes: C and up.
3. Schlankies: /shlānkeys/ This category encompasses all of the “flat” boobs and have little to no consistency.
   1. Flapjacks: Characterized by their rounded shape. More like a 2-D version of a Bomber. Sizes: C and up.
   2. Steamrollers: These toobs are more pointed at the bottom than Flapjacks are. Almost like a withered balloon. Sizes: Usually C or smaller.
   3. FEOAN: /fówan/ This term stands for “Fried Egg On A Nail”. This means that the look of the breast takes on a fried-egg-on-a-nail look. Sizes: Usually C or smaller.
4. Goobers: This category holds all of the worst boobs imaginable; from implants, to genetic deformities, to natural abnormalities.
   1. Seezies: /see-zees/ This describes a breast that has been medically enhanced with an implant that is far too big. This causes the veins and stuff to become clearly visible as if the breast were inside-out. Sizes: D or larger.
   2. Jawbreakers: Almost the same as Seezies but without the inside-out look. These breasts are usually rock-hard and can chip a tooth if you’re not careful. Sizes: C or larger.
   3. Nanners: We see a lot of these in horror films; these are the weird banana-shaped boobs that make us want to cry. Sizes: Usually C or smaller.
   4. Milkers: Breasts that were once Bombers but have since lost their “luster”, so to speak. These boobs look a lot like a crumbled-up sock inside of a smaller, fully extended sock; giving them a “weighed down” look. The top and middle of the breast will have a stretched-out feel to it while the bottom will look like it’s carrying a sack of Clementine’s. Sizes: C and up.
   5. CUASOs: /cauz-o’s/ Stands for “Chewed Up And Spit Out”. These boobs have a distinctive look of chewed up bubble gum, usually from some kind of abnormality or botched boob-job. Sizes: C and up.
   6. Mixers: This describes the breasts that can’t make up their mind about what size they want to be. Most commonly, the breasts will be two different sizes and sometimes will even have different shapes. Some professionals claim that this abnormality is due to Chimerism, while others believe that it’s due to improper secretion of growth hormones. Either way…they’re weird. Sizes: Any.
   7. The Incognito: These are one of the worst (used more for self-confidence than for attraction purposes). These are fake-Bombers; breasts that in all reality should be awesome but, are simply being lifted and supported with the aid of man’s worst enemy…the push-up bra! Sizes: C or smaller.
5. Bagles: /bág’lls/ Unfortunately, even though we get older, our boobs don’t care. This category contains all variations of old-lady boobs.
   1. Gummies: Boobs that end up looking like stretched-out gum. These boobs usually hang at or below the waistline. Sizes: C and up; due to cumulative mass considering that the breast has worn out its buoyancy and girth.
   2. Victors: These boobs have won the age battle…yet are very rare. Usually due to proper maintenance and upkeep on the breasts themselves and a healthy diet. When properly taken care of, the breast can fight the force of gravity and stay up to at least 50% consistency. Sizes: C and up.

Droobing: /drūbing/ v. The physical act of having droobs.

Douchebag: /doosh-bag/ adj. 1. Pretty much anyone who has the innate ability to piss you off or make your life that much more difficult simply because they exist. 2. Fortunately, this term is hyper-versatile; meaning that it can be used on anyone, even friends, and can be immediately retracted upon resolve.

DUFF: /duf/ n. 1. Designated Ugly Fat Friend. 2. The least attractive girl in a group of friends that is there to make everybody else look good by comparison. 3. DUFFs are chubbly.

Eezy: /ee-zy/ adj. 1. A word, and I use that term loosely, that can replace the end of another word to make it sound “ghetto”. 2. Term coined by Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z in the early 2000’s. 3. Examples: Shit = Sheezy. House = Heezy. Shit house = Sheezy heezy.

Filler Characters: /fil'r kárikt'r/ n. Any character that does not have an important role in the story.

The Finale Contingency: /finaálee k'ntínj'nsee/ n. 1. A term used to describe the stipulations for the finale and ending of a horror movie. 2. All or most of these requirements must be met:

1. At least one hero, male and/or female, must survive the finale of the story
2. Whichever hero survives must know, not think, that they have beaten the adversary
3. Any killer must die, be captured, be turned, or be beaten in some way (not physically)
4. Any supernatural evil must be banished or eluded
5. Any creature must be disposed of, eluded, and/or transfigured back to natural form by way of spell, incantation, potion, or banishment of curse
6. Any infection/outbreak must be contained or escaped.
7. Any curse must be broken or eluded
   1. Some curses cannot be broken and/or eluded. In these cases, the curse must appear to have dispelled just before final culmination…usually resulting in a sequel
8. Any nightmare sequences must be resolved and/or woken up from
9. An explanation or inference of motive must be stated, either directly or indirectly
10. Any residual conflicts must be resolved or indefinitely prolonged…unless a lead-in is obvious

Fromunda Cheese: /frum-unduh cheez/ n. 1. Not a real cheese. 2. The slimy nastiness that develops on your taint when you’ve either been profusely sweating or haven’t showered.

Fugly: /fúglee/ adj. A chick that is freakin' ugly!

The Garland Zombie Model: n. 1. A zombie model set down by Alex Garland, writer of 28 Days Later…(2002). 2. This model is designed around a man-made-type zombie; where the zombie is not necessarily dead, but overcome with the rage emotion in its purest form, causing the infected persons to tear their victims apart. 3. These zombies are also characterized by their ability and willingness to do anything and everything to infect others; including spitting, vomiting, or simply throwing infected tissue on a non-infected human. 4. Infection Time: Less than one minute. 5. How to Kill: Any lethal shot will do since the infected is not technically dead. Getting close enough for a lethal blow would be too great of a risk of infection.

Goose Egg: /goos eg/ adj. A zero on the CMR rating scale of 1 to 25.

Gore: /gawr/ n. 1. A special effect used in horror movies to depict scenes of extreme violence and/or death. 2. The "blood and guts" of a horror movie...literally.

The Gross Factor: /gross fákt'r/ n. 1. A term used to describe gore in a horror movie. 2. Gore that is not intended to aid in the plot of a movie, but is used for cinematic effect.

"Happily Ever After" Syndrome: n. The inference that the male and female hero survivors live happily ever after; due to the Hook-Up Inevitability.

Hella: /hélah/ prefix. This prefix is used to put major emphasis on a specific emotion.

Hero: /heéroh/ n. 1. The person who is destined to battle the adversary and defend the sidekicks and/or the world. 2. Usually the main character(s) and established very early.

The Hero Survival Mandate: n. Term used to describe the fact that any and all heroes are to make it to the end of the story and overcome the adversary.

HLA: n. 1. Hot Lesbian Action. 2. When two chicks start taking their clothes off and making out. 3. All bases, first thru home run, included.

Hoe-bag: /hoe-bag/ adj. Any person who sleeps around; usually female.

Hood-Stomp: /hood-stomp/ n. A complete and total ass-kicking.

Hook-Up Inevitability: n. 1. An undeniable truth that if both the male and female heroes survive, they inevitably end up together. 2. This hook-up results in the "Happily Ever After" Syndrome.

HRA: n. 1. Hot Rear Action. 2. Anal sex.

HyperGoric: /hi-per gawr-ik/ adj. Term defining a horror film that rooted it's popularity in copious amount of gore.

Hyper-Versatility: /hí-per versa-till-ity/ adj. 1. This term defines another word, term or phrase by its ability to be used throughout many different facets of life. A term can be used to mean one thing and later come to mean something else. 2. ie. Bad = bad. Now-a-days, “bad” = good or cool. ie. Cool = cold. Now “cool” denotes something of fashionable interest.

Implied Terror: /imply-ed tér-or/ n. 1. A part of a horror movie where something scary or disgusting happens out of eyeshot of the camera but, is still displayed enough for the viewer to make their own assumptions. 2. The major advantage to this tactic is that different people find different stuff scary. This way, the director leaves it up to the viewer to decide what’s happening behind the shroud. 3. The major disadvantage is that when too much implied terror exists, the viewer gets bored. Most of the movie-going public does not want to think when they watch a film. Thus, when too many implications are present, the viewer could lead the story down a blank and boring road; causing a ripple effect that could stunt the patronage of a large group of people.

Izz: 1. A word, and I use that term loosely, that can be inserted into the middle of another word to make it sound “ghetto”. 2. Term coined by Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z in the early 2000’s. 3. Examples: Chocolate = Chizzocolate. Cream = Crizzeam. Pie = Pizzie. Chocolate cream pie = Chizzocolate crizzeam pizzie.

Izzle: /iz-z’l/ adj. 1. A word, and I use that term loosely, that can be used to replace the end of another word to make it sound “ghetto”. 2. Term coined by Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z in the early 2000’s. 3. Examples: Dog = Dizzle. Shit = Shizzle. Dog shit = Dizzle shizzle.

Jobber: /job-ber/ adj. 1. A person who works for a large company with many upscale employees who doesn’t stand out or make themselves known. 2. This person seems to work there simply to have a job…not to make anything out of themselves. 3. In professional wrestling, any no-name douchebag that gets hood-stomped by a superstar.

Lead-In: /leed-in/ n. The result of The Sequel Conundrum where the end of a movie leads the viewer to believe that a sequel is eminent.

Loose-End Sidekick: /loos end sídkik/ adj. 1. Any sidekick that is neither important to the story nor the hero(es). 2. These characters are usually fillers and act as decoys. 3. Usually dies protecting the hero(es).

Lowbie: /low-bee/ adj. On the CMR rating scale of 1 to 25, any rating below a 10.

Main Sidekick: /mayn sídkik/ n. The closest friend of the hero(es) who you want to survive…and doesn’t.

Moobs: /moobs/ n. 1. Man boobs. 2. A man with boobs like a woman.

Mountain-Man: /mównt'n man/ n. adj. 1. A person with esthetic and bodily abnormalities, exhibiting superhuman-like strength and stamina. 2. These creatures are a mix of scientific fact and pure folklore, usually cannibalistic in nature, with their own language and communication systems. 3. Whole clans have been known to survive for generations in the foothills of Scotland. 4. Sawney Bean is the proprietor of this legend.

Nahellnah: /ná-hell-ná/ exl. 1. Literally means “No…hell no!” 2. Term can be used to refuse a command or request or even to play a joke on someone. ie. “Where are you from?” “I’m from a little town south of Detroit called Nahellnah!” 3. Term is hyper-versatile.

Nut Butter: /nut bud-der/ n. 1. Believe it’s not butter. 2. The slimy nastiness that develops on your scrotum when you’ve either been profusely sweating or haven’t showered.

Psych Hero: /sy'k heéroh/ adj. 1. Any hero, male or female, who meets their death prematurely. 2. Contradicts The Hero Survival Mandate.

Pull A Tyson: /pul ay ty-son/ adj. 1. Referencing that infamous night where Mike Tyson bit off part of Evander Holyfield's ear. 2. To chew someone's ear off. 3. To talk to someone to the point of them wanting to stab you in the jaw with an unsharpened No. 2 pencil.

Rackage: /rakij/ n. 1. Pertaining to a very nice female cleavage. 2. BOOBIES!

Redunculous: /redunk-you-lus/ adj. 1. When something is just so over-the-top that the literal definition of the word ridiculous does not even come close. 2. Anything that can be considered excessive in the ability to figure out the reasoning behind it. 3. I’ve confused myself.

Relevant Gore: /rel-a-v'nt gawr/ n. 1. Gore having to do or pertaining to the story and/or plotline. 2. Gore that is not added for cinematic effect but for the explanation and/or aid of specific key plot-points.

The Romero Zombie Model: n. 1. The second ever implemented zombie model designed after George A. Romero’s legendary Living Dead series. 2. This model states that the physiology of any zombie is that of an actual walking corpse; characterized by a slow and awkward gait, heavy, guttural moaning, lack of intelligence, a taste for any warm flesh, not necessarily human, a fear of fire, and the ability to learn and remember their past. 3. Infection Time: Hours…maybe days, depending on the severity of the infected area. 4. How to Kill: Destroy brain. Head shot only, decapitation only kills the body…not the brain.

Sacting: /sakting/ v. 1. Sex Acting. 2. An acting technique used to convince the viewer that actual intercourse is taking place.

Scream Queen: /screem kween/ n. 1. This term was derived from the heroin of a horror movie’s ability to capture the audience’s heart and make her performance memorable. 2. Many Scream Queens have come and go throughout the years but one simple fact remains…we love to see a hot chick kick the bad guy’s ass! 3. Scream Queens include: Barbara Steele, The Pit and the Pendulum (1961); Linda Blair, The Exorcist (1973); Ursula Andress, Slave of the Cannibal God (1978); Jamie Lee Curtis, Halloween (1978); Neve Campbell, Scream (1996); and Tiffany Shepis, Nightmare Man (2006).

Script Weight: /skript wayt/ n. The level of attention the script gives to a specific character.

Scrowt: /skrow-t/ n. 1. The scrotum. 2. Also known as: Coin Purse, Bag, Junk, The Family Jewels, The Babymakers, Grapes, Nuts, Balls, Sack, The Boys, Nads, Nards, etc.

Segue: /ségway/ n. A part of sentence structure that links two separate ideas or topics with a mutually relevant sub-topic.

The Sequel Conundrum: n. 1. Term referring to the act of breaking most or all of the laws of The Finale Contingency, forcing a sequel. 2. To help promote a sequel, some laws must be broken, resulting in a lead-in or the actual beginning of the sequel.

Shazaam: /sha-zám/ exl. Damn I'm good.

Sidekick: /sídkik/ n. A friend of the hero(es) who helps them overcome the adversary.

Skankabilly: /skánk'a-bilee/ adj. 1. Promiscuous hillbilly. 2. Usually the first to get laid. 3. Usually the first to die.

Sketchagraph: /skech-a-graf/ n. Whatever the hell that machine is that monitors contractions during labor.

Sleeper: /sleép'r/ n. A movie that is really awesome but gets no recognition.

Snarky: /snárk-e/ adj. 1. A hyper-versatile term used to describe someone who is sassing someone else. 2. Also denotes someone who “talks down” to others. 3. Condescending.

Snooch: /snooch/ v. 1. To take something away from someone or something else. 2. To just barely get by. 3. The act of cutting in line. 4. To take part in something. 5. The hyper-versatility of this term makes it one of those words that can be used universally and mean almost anything.

The Snyder Zombie Model: n. 1. A zombie model set down by Zack Snyder in Dawn of the Dead (2004). 2. This model characterizes zombies as having a “freshness physiology”; where the newer the corpse, the faster and stronger the zombie. 3. This model is not bound by medical constraints, thereby allotting the zombies to have the same speed and strength as the living but, still having little to know intelligence; including their inability to remember their past. 4. Infection Time: Hours…maybe days, depending on the severity of the infected area. 5. How to Kill: Destroy brain. Head shot only, decapitation only kills the body…not the brain.

Spastic Monkey: /spástik múngkee/ adj. 1. An extremely annoying person. 2. The one person in a horror movie you wish would die but always seems to make it to the end.

The Sticky Factor: /stíkee fákt'r/ n. Term used to describe the act of being physically stuck to the TV screen due to a compelling story.

Stunt Boobs: /stunt boobs/ n. 1. When an actress appears to have gone topless in a movie when actually they are someone else’s boobs being shown instead. 2. An actress is only shown from the neck down during a topless scene so that it is not possible to notice that it is not her set of boobs being shown.

Swamp Ass: /swomp az/ n. 1. When your ass sweats so much that it feels like there is a swamp in your pants. 2. Differs from Monkey Butt because this can happen anytime, anywhere.

Synopsis: /sinopsys/ n. A short…you hear that Rabbid, SHORT…description of something.

Televisaphonernetting: /tella-vizza-fonner-net-ing/ v. 1. A term coined by Comcast to describe their Triple Play package encompassing telephone, internet, and cable television services. 2. I guess this is supposed to be their way of describing some one multi-tasking by using all three at once. 3. Probably the gayest word ever thought up by professional marketers (no offense to the gays).

Toob-Shots: /toob-shotz/ n. Any shot in a movie in which female breasts are shown in their entirety.

Twisties: /twisteez/ n. 1. A turning point in a story where the storyline itself takes an unexpected twist. 2. These twists usually occur due to new information being learned about the hero(es), any form of sidekick, the adversary, or the way in which to overcome the adversary. 3. Twisties can occur at any point during the story, but usually take place near the end.

The Unholy Trinity: /únhoe-lee trínitee/ n. 1. The three directives needed for the viewer of a horror movie to enjoy themselves; Lots of screaming, lots of crying for mercy, and lots of killing. 2. This concept parallels The Finale Contingency, except for the fact that this term offers an enjoyment contingent.

Virgin Factor: /v'rjin fákt'r/ n. An equation in horror movies which equates to the hero (male or female) surviving because of their virginity or lack of promiscuity.

The Voodoo Zombie Model: n. 1. The very first ever implemented zombie model derived from the wilds of Africa. 2. Certain native tribes have concocted a “Zombie Powder” capable of turning its user into a “walking corpse”. 3. This model is characterized by, first off, that the infected person is still alive, a slow and bumbling gait, a blank, wide-eyed stare, and the ability to speak, even have a simple conversation. 4. One major difference with this model is, apart from the fact that it’s real, that the infected person eventually comes out of their “trance” unharmed. 5. Infection Time: Depending on the dose…minutes. 6. How to Kill: Any lethal shot or blow will do since the infected is not technically dead.

Webisode: /webisode/ n. A single part of an episodic series aired over the Internet.

White Chicking: /hwyte chiking/ adj. When the female character is either running from the killer or has the upper heand and does something stupid to get herself caught or killed (i.e. trips while running, drops weapon to check the downed killer).

The Zombie Model: n. A complex assortment of characteristics designed to explain the uniqueness of all or most cinematic zombie styles.